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Josh n Jokes





There were two brothers at aged 12 & 8. They were so naughty and always people comes with complain to their parents. Parents became very fed-up and they have taken them to the mental doctor.

Doctor firstly call 12 years boy and asked him “Tell me where is god?” The boy kept silent. Then doctor said again with loud voice asked him “Tell me where is God?”.


The boy suddenly ran away and went to his home and hide himself in his clothes cupboard.

When the other brother saw what he had done he quickly ran after him.

When he reached home he found his brother in the cupboard and begged of him

“Brother what did the doctor ask that made you run away?”

The elder brother peeped out from behind the clothes and said.

“God is missing and everybody thinks that we did it”Frown



A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit;

She instructed her son – to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was working at the site.

After her son had made the  phone call, he got back to mummy to inform her that it wasn't Daddy who answered the phone but a lady, and even though he had tried to call three times the same lady answered his dad's mobile phone.


She waited impatiently for her husband to return from the site, but as soon as she saw him, she gave him a very nasty slap across the face. Then whilst he was trying to find out why she had slapped him she followed it up with another hard slap

All the people from neighbourhood rushed round to find out what was going on.

The man dismayed that his wife would think he was having an affair asked he son to tell everyone what the lady on the phone said.

Sorry Dad but the lady kept saying

"I'm sorry but the number you are trying to call is unobtainable.“


Frown                    firefox

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

“That’s a serious step,” he said. “Have you thought it out completely?”

“Yes,” his young son answered. “We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It’s right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.”
“How about transportation?” the father asked.


“I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,” the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, “What about babies? When you’re married, you’re liable to have babies, you know.”

“We’ve thought about that, too,” the little boy replied.

“We’re not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg,

I’m going to step on it!”


Violin Practice

Little Radha was practicing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to read in the newspapper.


The family dog was lying and as the screeching sounds of little Radha’s violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could.

Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise,

“For pity’s sake, can’t you play something the dog doesn’t know?”


What do you call a motor bike belonging to a witch ?
A broooooooom stick !

Why did the child study in the aeroplane ?
He wanted a higher education !

Why was the broom late ?
It over swept !

Do you know the time ?
No, we haven't met yet !

What kind of hair do oceans have ?
Wavy !

What runs but never walks ?
Water !

How do you make milk shake ?
Give it a good scare !

Whats red and flies and wobbles at the same time ?
A jelly copter !

Waiter, this soup tastes funny ?
Then why aren't you laughing !

Why did the clock get sick ?
It was run down !


What do you call a man who forgets to put his underpants on ?
Nicholas !

What do you call a man with a tree growing out of his head ?
Ed-Wood !

What do you call a woman with a sheep on her head ?
Baa-Baa-Ra !

What do you call a fish on the dining table ?
A Plaice Mat !

What do you call a man who wears tissue paper trousers ?
Russell !

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head ?
Sister Matic !

Why did the man with a pony tail go to see his doctor ?
He was a little hoarse !

What do you call a witch flying through the skies ?
Broom Hilda

What did the idiot call his pet zebra ?
Spot !




A dashund, hound dog and a bull dog was in a doggie bar.

A good looking collie came in and said who ever can put liver and cheese in a sentence can have me! So the dashund said "I love liver and cheese" but the collie said not good enough. So the hounddog said "I hate liver and cheese" but all she said was Not creative enough.

So the bulldog said " Liver alone Cheese mine !!!!"

Ali G's sister was having baby twins but when they were born she became ill she woke up one morning and realised she hadn't named them.
"Doctor I haven't named my children."
"Don't worry your brother named them."
"what are their names?"
The doctor replied "Denise and Denephew"

You are about to cross a railroad
and you see a sign and it says:
'Railroad crossing look out for the cars
can u spell that without any Rs'?


There was a man who bought a hamster into the vets. He said to the vet "he won't move."
The vet replied "he's dead!."
The man said, "No, I don't believe you"
So the vet brought a Labrador dog in but he shook his head.  The man still didn't believe the vet, so he brought a cat in.    The cat shook his head
"See I told you" said the vet .

"Well that's £1,250"
The man said "£1,250!"
The vet said "Yes, you had a LAB report and a CAT scan."

There are 4 girls who are invited to a party.

The First girl says.  "My husband has black hair so I will wear a black dress".

The second girl says. "My husband has blonde hair so I will wear a yellow dress.

The third one says. "Well my husband has brown hair so I will wear a brown dress."

The last girl shrugs her shoulders and added. "Hmm well my husband is bald, he has no hair so I guess I will have to go naked!"

There was a man who wanted to prove his love to his wife. So he climbed the highest mountain, swam the deepest ocean and walked the biggest desert.
What do you think his wife said?

A. she divorced him for never being home

Sarah and Simon were arguing over the breakfast table.
"You're so stupid," said Simon.
"That's enough" said their dad, "Simon, say sorry to Sarah.
Simon replied "I'm sorry you're so stupid!".


joke submitted by
Q:What is a witches favorite part in school?

A:Spelling LOL!!!


joke submitted by
Why did the kid sleep with a ruler?

To measure how long he slept!


joke submitted by
What kind of trick can a bunny do on a BMX bike? Answer: A BUNNY HOP

joke submitted by
Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor?

because he felt jumpy.


joke submitted by
Q: Where does a rabbit learn how to fly?

A: in the hare force.


joke submitted by
Q.how do you make seven an even number?

A.take the s out!

saaim ibrahim

joke submitted by
Question: Why are ghosts bad liars?

Answer: Because you can see right through them


joke submitted by
What dog can jump higher than a building?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!


joke submitted by
Q. why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours A. so he could hide in the crayon box
joke submitted by
Q: What's black and white and makes a lot of noise? A: A zebra with a drumkit.

joke submitted by
Q:How do you make a fruit punch?

A:Give it boxing lessons.

jokjokee submsubmitted byitted by
Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?

A: Don't worry Ive got you covered!


joke submitted by
Q:why did the sheep go to the movies
A: to get some snaaahcks


joke submitted by
Q. What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A. A nervous shipwreck!


joke submitted by
Q. What do you call a sheep that is covered in chocolate?

A. A Hershey baaaaaar!


joke submitted by
Q. What has four legs but can't walk?
A. a chair!!!!!!!!!!!


joke submitted by
Why is a horse like a wedding

Because they both need a groom!!!!!!!!!!


joke submitted by
Q: Why did the boy take a pencil to bed?

A: to draw the curtains!


joke submitted by
What did the math book say to the other math book? Boy do I have problems.

joke submitted by
Q.Why was Rita carrying a ladder?

A.Because she was going to high



Here are some questions that will make your brain ache.Wink

1.   There is one word in the English Language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?

2.   Is half of two plus two, equal to two or three?

3.   How much dirt would be in a hole 2 metres deep and 2.5 metres wide that has been dug with a square-edged shovel?

4.   If I was in Hawaii and dropped, at the same moment in time, a bowling ball into a bucket of water at 20°C, and another ball of the same weight, mass, and size was dropped into a bucket at  -20°C, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first?

5.   What is the significance of the following date?  The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on the 5th of June.

6.   What can go up a chimney down, but can't go down a chimney up?

7.   If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the middle field?

8.   What goes up and goes down, but does not move?

9.   How far into a wood can a dog run?

10.   What has four legs but only one foot?

11.   How many animals did Moses take into the Ark?

The Answers are at the bottom of this row.Smile

Here are a few more Brain Teasers for you to try.Smile

1.   Try this simple addition. 

DO NOT USE A PENCIL OR PAPER, OR A CALCULATOR because it won't work. It must be figured out in your head.

REMEMBER NO CHEATING, figure it out in your HEAD only.

Ready? Here goes.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.

Now add another 1000.

Now add 30.

Now another 1000.

Now add 20.

Add another 1000.

Finally, add 10.

What is the total?

The Answer is at the bottom of this row.Smile

Here is a dumb quiz for smart kids. The following four questions are not difficult.

1.   How do you put a giraffe into the refridgerator?

2.   How do you put an elephant into a refridgerator?

3.   The Lion King is throwing his Birthday Party and all the  animals have arrived except one.

Which one has not arrived?

4.   There is a river you must cross, but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?


Because calling someone Stupid! is not very nice. Here are a few other ways of saying it. I must admit my favourite is

1.   "Knitting with only one needle."

2.   "A few cards short of a deck."

3.   "A few fries short of a Happy Meal."

4.   " About as sharp as a Marble."

5.   " The lift doesn' go to the top floor."

6.   "He only has one oar in the water."

7.   " If he had another brain cell it would be lonely."

8.   "Not the brightest bulb on the Xmas tree."

9.   "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

10.  "Missing a few buttons on the remote."

          Now for some simple one-liners.

q.   What's a puppy's favourite kind of pizza?

a.   Puppi-roni!

q.   What do you use a wombat for?

a.   For playing wom!!

I got home and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and said.

"Who's speaking please?  And a voice said        "You are!"

q.   Why are graveyards so Noisy?

a.   Because of all the Coffin! (Coughing)

q.   Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

a.   Because they have big fingers!

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the path, when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouching down behind a log.

"My what big eyes you have Mr Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

Surprised The Wolf jumps up and dashes away.

Further along the path, Little Red Riding Hood sees The Wolf again. This time he was crouching behind a tree stump.

"My what big ears you have. Mr Wolf." exclaims Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the surprised Wolf jumps up and runs away.

About a mile down the path Little Red Riding Hood chances upon The Wolf again, this time he was hiding behind a direction sign.

"My, my Mr Wolf what big teeth you've got." cries Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps out from behind the sign and screams.

"Will you get lost little girl, can't you see I am just trying to have a pee!"

           Polar Bears

A daddy polar bear and a baby polar bear are sitting on an ice-berg.

Baby bear:  "Dad, am I a Panda bear?"

Daddy bear:  "No son, you're a Polar bear."

A few minutes go by, and baby bear gives a sigh.

Baby bear:  "Dad am I a Koala bear then?"

Daddy bear:  "No son, you're not, you're a Polar bear."

Ten minutes later daddy bear feels his son pulling on his arm.

Daddy bear sighing himself:  "Yes son, what is it tthis time?"

Baby bear:  "Dad, then could I possibly be a grizzly bear?"

Daddy bear:  "Look son, You're a Polar Bear right, why do you keep asking?"

Baby bear:  "Well if I am a Polar bear, why am I absolutely, blooming  freezing!!"

Here are the Answers to the Brain-Teasers.Wink

1.   Incorrectly.

2.  It could almost be either two or three, but if you follow mathematical orders, division is performed before addition. So... half of two is one. Then add two, and the answer is three.

3.   None, no matter how big a hole is, it is still a hole, filled with air.

4.   Both questions have the same answer - the ball in the bucket of 20°C water hits the bottom of the bucket last....

 ......Did you think that the water in the -20°C bucket is frozen?  Think again, the question said nothing about that bucket having water in it. Therefore, there is no water or even ice to slow the ball down.

5.   The time and month/date/year are

                    12:34, 5/  6/ 78. in a row.

6.   An Umbrella.

7.   One, if the farmer combines all of his haystacks, they become one big stack.

8.   The Temperature.

9.   Half way, because after half way in , the dog would then be running half way out of the wood.

10.   A Bed.

11.   None, Noah built the Ark, not Moses.

Not as hard as you thought.Wink

Did yMr Rabbitou come up with the answer 5000?




Don't believe me, then go back and do it again. This time you will need to use your pencil and paper, maybe even your calculator.

The answers to the Four small Quiz Questions.

1.   Easy Open the fridge, and put in the Giraffe and close the door.

2.   No you don't just stick the elephant in then close the door again.

The correct answer is.

Open the fridge, take out the giraffe, then put the elephant in and close the door.

3.   So which animal didn't go to the Lion Kings Party? The correct answer is the Elephant, after all he is still stuck in the fridge where you left him.

4.   The answer to this is so easy. You just swim across, or have you already forgotten the crocodiles are all attending the party.

These questions all tested your memory. Hmm, you don't have much of a memory do you!!!


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