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Sat, 28 Apr 2012
How Jimmy tended the baby, and oh my did he ever look after her.... NOT!!! xxx So Funny. xxx





         Mother with baby I never could see the use of babies. We have one at our house that belongs to mother, and she thinks everything of it. I can't see anything wonderful about it. All it can do is to cry, and pull hair, and kick. It hasn't half the sense of my dog, and can't even chase a cat. Mother and Sue wouldn't have a dog in the house, but they are always going on about the baby, and saying: "Ain't it perfectly sweet?"

          The worst thing about a baby is, that you're expected to take care of him, and then you get scolded afterwards. Folks say: "Here, Jimmy, just hold the baby for a minute, there's a good boy"; and then as soon as you have got it, they say: "Don't do that! Just look at him! That boy will kill the child! Hold it up straight, you good for nothing little wretch!"

          It's pretty hard to do your best, and then be scolded for it; but that is the way boys are treated. Perhaps after I'm dead, folks will wish they had done differently.

          Last Saturday mother and Sue went out to make calls, and told me to stay at home and take care of the baby. There was a football match, but what did they care for that? They didn't want to go to it, and so it made no diference whether I went to it or not. They said they would be gone only a little while, and if the baby waked up I was to play with it, and keep it from crying, and "be sure and not let it swallow any pins." Of course I had to do it.

           The baby was sound asleep when they went out; so I left it for just a few minutes, while I went to see if there was any pie left in the pantry. ( Hm, if I was a woman, I wouldn't be so dreadfully suspicious as to keep everything locked up in the pantry! )

          When I got back upstairs again, the baby was awake and howling like she was full of pins. So I gave her the first thing that came to hand, to keep her quiet. It just happened to be a bottle of French polish, one of them with a sponge on the end of a wire, the sort Sue uses to black her boots, because girls are too lazy to use a regularJimmy brush and polish.

          But it didn the job for the baby stopped crying as soon as I gave her the bottle, and I sat down to read my comic. The next time I looked at her, she'd got out the sponge and about half of her face was jet black. This was a nice fix, for I knew nothing could get the black off her face, and guarenteed when mother came back she would say the baby was spoiled, and that I was responsible. Now as I think an all black baby would be much more stylish than an all white baby, and when I saw that she was half black already, I made up my mind  that if I blacked it all over it would be worth more than it had ever been, and perhaps mother would be ever so much pleased. So I hurried up and gave it a good coat of black.

          Black boot polishYou should have seen how that baby shined! The polish dried as soon as it was put on, and I had just time to get baby dressed again, when mother and Sue came in.  

  I would lower myself to repeat their unkind remarks. When you've been called a murdering little villain, and an unnatural son, it will rankle in your heart for ages. After what they had said to me I didn't seem to mind father, and went upstairs with him almost as if I was going to bed, or maybe something that didn't hurt so much.

         "The baby is beautiful, and shiny, though the doctors say it will wear off in a few years. Nobody shows any gratitude for all the trouble I took, I can tell you it isn't easy to black a baby without geting it into her eyes and hair. In fact I sometimes think it is hardly worth while to live in this cold and unfeeling world."

Unfortunately we do not have the poets name.

Posted 11:59

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